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From Jacob’s Father

April 30th, 2000 · No Comments

by Mike Anfinson - Jacob's father
originally published: 2000
in: EveryPurpose.org

My name is Mike Anfinson. In September of 1998 tragedy struck.

We have had much time to think about the day Jacob died. We have been through two trials. Hell would be a step up from what we have been living with since the day Jacob died.

Heidi is not a murderer. I would not be with her if she was. She is a gentle and kind person. Industrious. I look to her in admiration.

Anyone that knows her knows this to be true. Otherwise, she would not be my wife. All of her friends and her entire family stand behind her and believe that Jacob’s death was an accident.

I would have left her if I believed for one second that she is guilty of the severity of the crime she is convicted of.

No, she did not tell the truth following Jacob’s death [claiming Jacob was kidnapped]. No, she could not believe the truth. Try for a moment to imagine yourself in her place. Could you believe it yourself? What would you do if your fatigue and negligence caused your son’s death? Could you face your husband, family and God himself with this reality?

Yes, we all know she did not have the right response to the situation. She was in shock. Is this the definition of Second Degree Murder?

Are these the laws? Is this the interpretation of the law that we have imposed to protect society?

She is guilty of poor judgment based on a severe case of panic. Possibly due to Post-Partum Depression.

This was our first and only child.

Heidi was dealing from the effects of post pregnancy. Exhaustion. Overwhelming responsibility. She had worked hard as a waitress till the eighth-month of her pregnancy to save money for when she would be raising Jacob. The whole family was here the first week to rejoice in the miracle. She was tired. Can’t anyone, even the prosecution, believe this was a stupid lack of judgment?

I feel that I am to blame as much as she is. I should have been here instead of out four-wheeling. I should have perceived the situation.

The prosecution, with the help of the media, painted her as a butcher without substantiation.

They have accused her, if not myself, of abuse, of poisoning Jacob with alcohol, of smashing him with rocks, and many more horrible things, all of which I believe have been disproved by experts in both trials. They have no hard evidence of these acts. Maybe because this evidence does not exist. No blood. No bruises. In Heidi’s frenzy, could she be so meticulous as to cover all this hard evidence up?

My beloved, blessed son had been reduced to a bunch of slides, pictures and evidence.

She loved Jacob. She and I have had little time to mourn our loss. She, the family and I now are broken by the harshness of the verdict – 50 years with a 42.5 minimum.

I guess the State saw what they wanted to see. People want to believe the media, papers, TV news, etc. which seems perpetuated by a strange human vindication. Only recently, with great sadness, I try to understand.

Sadly, people want to believe the worst of their fellow human beings.

With the other newborn and child deaths in general, people grab onto conclusions. Some things seem easier to believe than the truth at times.

We are all bombarded with this onslaught of violence and evil. The men and women of law enforcement can’t help but be jaded by all of the horrible acts of people. How could you be objective all the time?

Can’t people understand the awful, irrational mistakes that Heidi made? The fixation of denial she wanted to believe after the accident? The biological condition that existed at the time?

I’m as much to blame for the truth not being told at the time. I had to grasp onto a conclusion, which would seem plausible at the time. I wanted so much to believe that a stranger was responsible. Only now with hindsight do I wish I had thought about it longer. Heidi did not know what happened at the time; she was in denial and did not know what to say when she couldn’t accept the truth herself. If she had wanted to kill Jacob, don’t you think she would have come up with a better alibi?

Not only have I lost my son, I now stand to lose my wife and the links between our families, the past, present and future. My family, my friends and I are all devastated. What is the logic of the State’s vindictiveness?

What does society benefit from sending Heidi to jail and destroying all of these other lives too?

She doesn’t deserve to spend a day in prison. Unfortunately, she may serve the rest of her life there. How can these things happen? Our system of so called “justice” needs to be reviewed. She is not a criminal. She caused a tragic accident, but she is not a criminal. I’m sure you’ll find little to rehabilitate. She has no criminal history. What are we trying to achieve?

She has to deal with the grief and guilt of her mistake for the rest of her life.

If it were your wife, daughter, relation, etc. would life in prison be the punishment you would impose? Would you feel a victory has been achieved for our society? Somehow saving and protecting us, or making an example to stop any future human frailty?

I sincerely hope the guilty verdict serves some higher power, because the family and I don’t understand.

Tags: Supporters